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Posts Tagged ‘this is a joke

Memo To My People Updating My Facebook Page

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How about a few less quotes from old dead white guys?

Post-election, let’s have a little less constitution-driven stuff. I need to sound hip and with-it (You kids still say that?). Sprinkle a few Malcolm X quotes in there (Yes?) and maybe—I don’t know— Nietzsche (why not?). Our business partners and potential clients need to see we’re deep and edgy. But trustworthy—so, ok—maybe a few quotes from Jefferson, but way less than three a week.

Jenny: Put the business books and blogs down: Covey and Collins are sounding stale. Give me more of that pithy stuff like Seth G. puts out. In fact—give Godin’s people a call and tap into that well they are pulling from. I want to sound more like Godin. And Spike Lee.

Jerrold: Give me more comments on human interest stuff. I need to sound warm and supportive. Potential clients need to see the entire organization as approachable—so that starts with me. And do the same with Ivan in the St. Petersburg office. He needs to sound a lot less like Putin, that grandstanding old propagandist. Ivan needs to sound like New Russia—starting now.

Jamison: you gotta tune my Twitter feed. Post-election, work with Jenny on the Godin and Spike Lee stuff—get me solid tweets that pull in about a thousand more young managers. Skew young!

All of you—people tell me I should read beyond history books. Make me current! Wired. Salon. The New Yorker (within reason). Whatever.

Jenny–What’s that? Godin writes his own stuff? Which of his people said that?

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Image credit: Sammy Slabbinck via 2headedsnake

Written by kirkistan

November 5, 2012 at 9:03 am

Screw the Zombies. Literally: With Scruggs Patented Screw-in Coffin.

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Something even an undead engineer could love

Inventor Donald Scruggs and his self-boring coffin present the perfect solution for post-apocalyptic burial. This tidy invention does double-duty: get a solid workout as you protect against zombies. Given the expected power outages and chronic fuel shortages, this do-it-yourself burial vessel allows you and another survivor a good 2-3 hours cardio and upper body workout (depending on ground conditions) as you grieve.

Plus—a recent study in the Journal of Undead Ergonomics (2011Oct; 1132(10):112-20. Lazarus R, Elijah P, Wernick P, et al. Diminished lifting capacity in the recently undead) shows just how difficult overhead lifts are for zombies. So—keep it vertical!

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Image credit: Scruggs Patent Application via treehugger

Written by kirkistan

October 31, 2012 at 9:17 am

Posted in curiosities

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